The 7 Elements of Trust
In her book, Rising Strong, Research professor, Brene Brown, teaches an acronym, BRAVING, that she created for remembering the elements of the anatomy of trust–i.e. the elements that make up trust.
- Boundaries
- Reliability
- Accountability
- Vault.
- Integrity
- Non-judgment
- Generosity.
Related Article: How to Build Trust.
B.R.A.V.I.N.G Explained in Detail
Boundaries are crucial. Lack of proper boundaries can ruin trust and relationships. In a nutshell, boundaries “help us let the good stuff in and keep the bad stuff out—’stuff’ being people, experiences, information, emotional states, and more.” A book titled Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life, by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is the best resource I’ve seen on the topic of Boundaries. This book came was very helpful to my wife and me early on in our marriage.
Reliability means doing what we say we’re going to do, when we say we’re going to do it. To be reliable involves being aware of our strengths and limitations and acting accordingly.
Accountability means you take ownership of your mistakes, apologize for them and make amends or restitution.
Vault represents secrecy. A vault is a room or compartment, often built of steel, for the safekeeping of valuables. For example, you would find a vault in a bank vault. Being a vault means people can keep their valuables with you and you will keep them safe. Being a vault involves not sharing experiences that aren’t ours to share. You keep my secrets and the secrets of others. A very key point about building trust is not telling me the secrets of others. When you tell me another person’s secrets, you are essentially showing me how you will tell my secrets if I ever fell out of favor with you or you needed to for any reason. You don’t gossip and you show empathy for other people.
Integrity means our actions match our words. According to Dr. Brown, you choose courage over comfort, you choose is right over what is expedient, and you choose to practice your values and believes rather than simply professing them.
Nonjudgment means refraining from judging self or others. “I can ask for what I need, and you can ask for what you need. We can talk about how we feel without judgment.”
Generosity means you extend “the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others”. This is assuming the best of others.
How to cultivate self-trust
Dr. Brown shares the following 7 questions as a tool for assessing our level of self-trust.
B – Did I respect my own boundaries? Was I clear about what’s okay and what’s not okay?
R—Was I reliable? Did I do what I said I was going to do?
A—Did I hold myself accountable?
V—Did I respect the vault and share accordingly?
I—Did I act from my integrity?
N—Did I ask for what I needed? Was I nonjudgemental about needing help?
G—Was I generous towards myself?”
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